I’m a time traveler.
I can’t go forward in time. I haven’t figured that one out, yet. And really, that’s okay with me. I’m more interested in traveling back in time. <cue the Huey Lewis music>
I do it every day. I look forward to it. It’s at the point now where I travel back in time without even thinking about it. I don’t use any sort of time traveling spaceship or time machine, although if I did, it wouldn’t look like a 1960’s British police box or a DeLorean. It would probably be more like a traveling refrigerator. I get hungry often, people. It just makes sense. Plus, I’d have a place for time traveling leftovers.
Luckily, though, I don’t need any of that; I travel back in time just fine on my own. Mind you, this is in no way a humblebrag, ‘cause there’s nothing special about me that allows these journeys into the past. Nothing at all. And how far back I go varies. Sometimes, I find myself reliving events that occurred just a few days ago; sometimes, I go back decades, meeting people I never knew.
When I tell people that I am a time traveler, they often ask me the secret, for many, too, want to revisit people and places in their past. I mean, who doesn’t? Whose heart doesn’t ache to go back to a certain time in life that meant something; to once again see our mothers’ eyes or gaze at the chubby legs of our children as they play. These things, though long gone, mean something to us still.
And when asked for my secret to time travel, I always share how I do it. How could I not? I mean, if you’ve found the trick to going back in time to see loved ones again, how could you not share that joy? You’d be a real jerk to keep that ability to yourself.
So if you, like others, are reading this and wondering how it’s done, allow me to share. It’s really quite easy. It’s done in 3 steps:
- Pick up a printed photo
- Look at it
- Go back in time
Super easy, right? You don’t have to be skilled or smart or come from a long line of time travelers to accomplish it. In fact, YOU could be the first in your family to do it.
But beware—time travelers face villains. Plenty of them. They scoff and tell people wanting to time travel that they don’t need a PRINTED photo to go back in time; it can be done with a digital image. And they are partly correct, for a digital image will take you back in time, sure, but only so far. And worse, there is no guarantee that you will be able to time travel in the future. Thirty years down the road when you want to visit the past again, will you be able to? Will you be able to revisit family and friends on your journey? Or will you sit, crying and praying to the saint of lost pixels: St. Arrghus.
Friends, the only sure time travel is with a printed photograph.
Remember, ANYONE can travel back in time.
Which makes me wonder, why doesn’t everyone do it?
(Note: St. Arrghus doesn’t really do anything. He just sits there powerless, kind of like the pixels you can’t get off that USB drive.)